dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
