Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
