Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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