thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
