Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
