Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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