Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
