you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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