I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
