Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
