your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Do you still have your period?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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