At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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