youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
and you fell through a lawn chair
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize