If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
