Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
