no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
