mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
