Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
