No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Im part way to drunk.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
