Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
