But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
