He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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