no, he came in my armpit
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
