My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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