Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
