she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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