He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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