Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
