peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
