my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
