i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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