Nicole vs. Life
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
