Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize