just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
