She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize