my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
