just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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