Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
