Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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