dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize