Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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