Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
