so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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