before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
