So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
