In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
