i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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