So drunk its hurt
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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