So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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