and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
