His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
