uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
