She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
