took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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