You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
