my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
