To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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