Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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