did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
