But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
