i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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