I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
