She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I fill condoms, not promises.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
