I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
