one might say we're banned from that church
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
