Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize