Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
