She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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