I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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