Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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